Not Alone
by BerkieLynn
Summary: Kate receives an unexpected (but welcome) visit from an unlikely pair of visitors. (Spec fic for 5x05)


A/N: This is the first fic that I've posted online in a LOOOOONG time and the first Castle fic I've ever posted. This is a 5x05 spec and assumes that you know the basic premise of the episode. It also assumes that Castle did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG and that everyone else believes that as well. I'd love to know what you think, constructive criticism is 100% welcome.

Disclaimer: All characters property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC. Per usual.

* * *

"There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature." ― Jane Austen, _Northanger Abbey_

* * *

She sits on the sofa, legs crossed and reminds herself to breathe. _Deep breath through the nose, Kate. Release slowly out the mouth. Good. Do it again. _This isn't what she wants to be doing right now. She'd rather be on the phone with her partner laughing at some inane attempt at a joke. Or, even better, wrapped in his embrace. But even his voice would be good to hear right now. He can't just casually pick up the phone from lockup though.

She's forgetting to breathe again.

She's in the middle of a long inhale when there's a knock at the door. Her breath and heart stutter, the latter picking up speed behind her ribcage. She rises on shaky legs, one of her feet tingling as it wakes back up. "It's not him, Kate," she mutters to herself knowing that someone would have called her if he'd been released but still can't help the trickle of hope.

She glances through the peephole and opens the door to two friendly but unexpected faces. Lanie holds up a couple of bottles of wine while Jenny Ryan clutches what appears to be a paper bag of takeout containers and judging by the smell, they hold Kate's favorite kind of food. Lanie doesn't wait for a verbal invitation and just brushes past her friend into the apartment, Jenny following suit. They put everything down in the kitchen; Lanie grabbing wine glasses, Jenny lining up little white boxes. Kate closes the door and moves trepidatiously towards her kitchen.

"Not that I'm not glad to see you guys, but..." she trails off, brain too frazzled to finish the sentence. But the other women understand her meaning anyway.

Lanie shoots a look at the blonde woman across the kitchen island. "Much as I'd like to take credit, this is all her. Though she won't tell me exactly why she's so insistent that you need company."

Jenny puts down the chopsticks she just withdrew from the bag and reaches across the counter to pick up one of the glasses of wine before placing it in Kate's hand. "It's time to tell her, honey," Jenny says, nodding at Lanie as she does. "Kevin's known for a few weeks, since the Hamptons." Kate's eyes widen impossibly large, fear and confusion and, yeah, some anger, too. "You can get mad at him later but he's been helping you keep it quiet. And right now, I know you need some friends, so it's time to tell your best one." She places a hand on Kate's elbow and turns her a little towards the aforementioned best friend. Lanie's eyes are narrowed in a mix of confusion and annoyance.

"Start talking, Kate Beckett."

Kate takes a long gulp of wine and looks her friend full in the face. She's been holding all of it in today and for weeks before that and finds that she wants this woman who knows her so well to know this secret. "You pegged that I've been seeing someone," she starts but falters, dropping her eyes. This should be good news; her friend should squeal and be happy for her. This isn't how Kate wanted to tell her.

Lanie's gasp is soft but enough that Kate looks back up. "Castle," Lanie says when their eyes meet and it's not a question. Kate nods and her friend takes the wine glass from her hand and sets it on the counter before wrapping her in a tight hug. The detective didn't realize until the woman's arms were around her how much she needed it and a sob escapes from her, unbidden. She feels Jenny's warm hands on her back, rubbing in soothing circles. She lets the tears come, tired of fighting them, tired of holding in how much she hurts. Just tired.

Her sobs subside, tissues are pressed into her hand, and Lanie's arm drops to her friend's waist, turning to steer her towards the sofa. Kate sinks into the cushions, draws her legs up to her chest and drops her chin on top of her knees.

Lanie's hand is on her ankle, thumb rubbing absently and the intimacy of that gesture almost has her in tears again. She grabs her friend's hand and the woman almost seems to understand, fingers tightening around Kate's for a moment before relaxing into a comfortable hold.

"How long?" Lanie asks.

"Since my suspension. I was hanging off a building and he was all I could think of." Kate stops for a moment, the memory oddly bittersweet. She shrugs. "I stopped fighting it."

"I'm gonna ignore that part where you didn't tell me and first say that I'm so happy for you, sweetie." Lanie's eyes are actually sparking and Kate can't help the watery smile that steals across her face.

Jenny comes in from the kitchen, food and wine balanced on a tray that Kate even forgot she had. Jenny passes over wine glasses to the other two women and motions to the containers. "You get first pick," she says to Kate.

Kate sighs. Nothing sounds good. (Castle sounds good.) But she can tell from the silent pressure of her unexpected houseguests that saying no is not an option so she plucks a container that looks like it has some kind of noodles off the tray, accepting the chopsticks that Jenny passes over.

"So, how did Kevin figure it out?" Kate asks.

Jenny pauses in the middle of spooning rice onto a plate. "He said something about an interrogation; he talked to someone that you had talked to?" It's clear that the news itself has stuck with her more than how her husband acquired it.

"Aaron Lerner," Kate says softly, almost to herself. He had told the younger detective everything he knew.

"He said that he figured you guys had a reason for keeping it quiet and we certainly know that the beginning of a relationship is crazy enough, I can only imagine how it would be if you have the pressure of everyone staring at you."

Kate can't help the surge of affection that she feels for the Ryans, Kevin has long felt like a little brother to her and while she's always liked his wife, she never felt terribly close to her. This show of support is quickly changing that. "Thank you, Jenny," she manages through the thickness in her throat. "For all of this, too. I think I did need people tonight."

Jenny gives her a smile that from some people would look pitying but the woman's sweetness is undeniable and there's nothing but comfort in her gaze. "Anytime, Kate. You keep my husband safe every day, the least I can do is pick up some dinner for you."

"I'm sorry," Lanie blurts out and both women turn to her but it's the blonde that she's directing her apology at. "You should have seen how hard I fought her," she continues, turning to Kate. "Because I know you and I know you like to hole up and I was just gonna leave you alone and," she turns back to Jenny, "you were completely right that we needed to come over."

Jenny just shrugs. "I had information you didn't. And I knew it wasn't mine to tell."

"Speaking of that," Lanie starts, her attention shifting back to her best friend, "why is it that you didn't feel the need to tell me, hmmm?"

Her raised eyebrow is so classic Lanie that Kate feels her corners of her lips lift of their own accord before dropping again as she realizes how ridiculous it was for them to think that they shouldn't tell their friends. "It seemed easier if less people knew. And I won't deny that avoiding the inevitable 'I told you so''s was a big part of it."

"I did peg things were different," Lanie says, the smugness evident in her voice. Kate rolls her eyes but the ME ignores it and goes on, "and part of that is that you've been really happy. I swear I've never seen you smile this much. That's him, isn't it?"

Kate immediately feels her throat tighten and her eyes flood with tears. Lanie's absolutely right but being that happy means being open and that openness has her emotions on high alert, especially today. She nods at Lanie, swiping at her cheeks to brush away the tears that escape.

"Then let's talk about how you're gonna prove that your boy didn't do this."


End file.
